On internalized ableism, strangers and NHS psychiatrists.

A: Who are you? Who are you, you conventionally attractive, you copper-dyed-haired, you never-mute individual? Who are you?

B: You are not Autism.

C: Autism has no personality.
He rocks, he throws tantrums. He is a white, cis, able bodied, middleweight male child. He does not talk. He *does not talk,* you wordy, verbose pretend intellectual.

D: You are lazy, and intolerant.
You are not Autism.

E: You do not have learning difficulties, you are just stupid. You are lazy, and stupid. You’re forgetting who comes next already. You scrawled the alphabet on your wall in an enraged, screaming act of defiance

F: Against the fact that you could not learn it, and still you cannot remember it.
You can remember exactly what necromorph comes out of where in Dead Space 2, so you’re obviously just lazy.

G: What’s why you forget to eat, and go to the toilet, and take your meds.
You are intelligent enough to play a video game, are you not?

H: But, we’ll be generous. Maybe you are on the autism spectrum.
We will

I: not tell you what the spectrum is between. But perhaps you are on it.
You make those ridiculous little hand flapping motions and those annoying squeaks when you are gleeful, after all.

J: Who would voluntarily act like they were retarded in such a manner when they once aspired to be brave, be cool, be badass? Who would

M: feel the spit pooling in their mouth, and be afraid someone will hear that spit sluicing between the teeth they damaged with nail biting, or see it when they open their mouth, see that they’re

N: just a little distant from *drooling*? Who would bang their heads against a wall when upset?

K: So, perhaps you are on the spectrum. Even though you do understand that nobody wants flappers, or head bangers, or squeaking people, yet you continue to be these things.

J: Just a bit.

O: But that’s no excuse to be rude. And you are rude. Rude rude rude.
You are rude, and hostile, and condescending, everyone says so.
You’re obviously sufficiently high functioning that you can help it. You can type after all. 11 6.

L: So, when you are rude, we will be angry at you until you are polite.
If confrontation upset you, you would obviously stop being rude

U: To us. To all of us.

P: And you can’t call yourself autistic. You’re too High Functioning for that.

S: you must understand, that you are stupid, lazy, rude, condescending, intolerant, weak and intimidating instead of autistic because you can stop being these things if you

Y: Would but try.

X: We know that you’re not trying, you see, because you still do these things.

Z: No matter how many times we punish you, and punish you, and punish you.

V: Until you dent doors with your well-battered head, your chin is cracked and sore 24/7, and your eyes are permenantly damaged.

T: You are very stubborn. You even got the alphabet wrong again, didn’t you?
Why don’t you stop talking and typing and prove that you’re really autistic?
Why don’t you just be a cool, badass, brave persyn, not this pretentious hybrid of pontificating faux-intellectual radical

W: And stupid, hand-flapping, squeaking autistic?
Nobody wants to be one of them, and nobody wants them.

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About chassisbird

Chassisbird is autistic, trans, a survivor of abuse, possibly gray-asexual, queer, polyromantic and very into D/s. It uses it/hir pronouns, tends towards apathy and would like to resemble a spider much more closely.
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