“Don’t get your face cut up, it’s beautiful”.
A trans persyn has mentioned facial surgery. It could be for any reason, from dysphoria to issues passing. Shortly after, another trans persyn made the above remark. It took me a while to work out why I didn’t like it.
I thought of people finding my genitals beautiful.
I thought of tattoos, and I thought of a post by Julia Bascomb on treating people like toys.
And so again, it’s to her that I owe clarity.
On the surface, the comment seems anything but bad. A reassurance that one is attractive in response to percieved self-dislike of a body part. I have little doubt that’s how it was meant, even though it deliberately uses words that make the surgery sound less appealing.
But we return to matters of dysphoria and passing issues, and it becomes disturbing. It states “I find you beautiful, and so you should suffer to remain so to me”. It says “I am entitled to your body”. It oh-so-implicitly treats you as some pretty toy of the speaker, without your own reality.
That is why “compliments” like that bother me. Any beauty I possess in others perception remains mine alone, and it comes second to my desires and needs regarding said beauty.