On incompetence, disability and ponies.

“Just! Sit! Here! Sit here and do nothing!”

Recently, I heard that a cockeyed pony in MLP fan-named Derpy Hooves had a small scene in the new episode.

“You don’t want to do any more damage than you already have!”

I’d like to say it was with dread that I sat through the new opening sequence, but I can’t feel more than one emotion at a time, and MLP always gives me a feeling of mild glee. I’m (emotionally) simple, you might say, particularly if you wanted to send a line of blended together type about simplestupidretarded twittering through my mind.

“Sorry! Is there anything I can do to help?”

The scene itself was unremarkable. At least in regards to originality. The first thing was Derpy’s voice. It’s a Hollywood “stupid” voice. Like how the voice of Sid the Sloth from Ice Age is the “fish out of water” voice, this is the “stupid” voice. It’s slurred, mildly “hick”, somewhat goofy.

Derpy tries to help. Rainbow Dash provides lines (like my mother, like tears and self loathing) like the top two quotes. Derpy provides lines like (me, wanting to please) the bottom one. Rainbow Dash is angry, Derpy is incompetent.

That’s it.

Apparently that’s the joke. That some people are just stupid and worthless, and it doesn’t matter if they’re good people, they’re still worthless, and it’s fine to be angry, and shout at them. And they don’t need help. No, that’s not it. They don’t deserve help, because they’re useless. They can’t do anything right.

(You can’t do anything right, hisses my exasperated mother, in a mall parking lot, and it smacks dully into some-miles away outcropping of near-numb mental scar tissue.)

The tone is of a joke. Unbidden, my mind conjures a frozen 3D image of our small, pink bathroom with me cringing in the tub and my brother looming over me, shouting, a crowd surrounding us outside the missing walls. It’s the same joke, and the sink drain spills slow motion, his twisted face slowly moving, me gradually shaking, as the crowd belts out one of those deep laugh tracks, warped and ramping the volume up with every drowned-out word.

It’s the same joke, only the butt isn’t dehumanized quite as much. Only the butt of this particular instance has a shattered, bombed space where the certainty that cie is a worthwhile human being used to be from the endless, humourless enactment of that joke in real life.

Like the joke in fiction, it simply ends. There’s anger, and then nothing but the echoes of pain. There’s no implication that it wasn’t right for them to do this, no healing. No apology. You just wait for it to happen again, dully, and you’re anxious about doing anything.

Apparently it’s funnier if you haven’t lived it.

About chassisbird

Chassisbird is autistic, trans, a survivor of abuse, possibly gray-asexual, queer, polyromantic and very into D/s. It uses it/hir pronouns, tends towards apathy and would like to resemble a spider much more closely.
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